Random Stories: “They Didn’t Know I Spoke Their Language”

Some funny stories that I found on the AskReddit Sub Reddit about multilingual people.

 

 

Number 1

The people at the Chinese food place on my campus spoke Chinese to the door exchange students. But even tho I spoke Chinese I just always spoke English to them since I have an accent when I speak Chinese. But one day I got all meat no rice since I had a rice maker at home. And when I was paying the lady says to the person beside her “fat ass wants meat no rice”. And I responded in Chinese, “actually I have rice at home”. They didn’t charge me for the order and started giving me a bit extra whenever I go there” – NotA–ThrowAway

 

 

Number 2

My mum’s a linguist and speaks about 15 languages fluently and as such, I picked up a couple along the way. Most of my childhood was spent in Germany so I have a firm grasp of the language…which doesn’t really seem to match my appearance. I’m a 6’3, 220lbs, black man, who speaks German. Now this isn’t too uncommon a sight in Germany, but in North America, I’m a fucking unicorn.

So I was standing at the bus stop one day in the heart of downtown Toronto and there were these two 60-something year old German ladies who were not having a good time. They were trying to find the Art Gallery and were fed up with the fact that they were having such a shitty time navigating because their english-speaking children had left them alone for the day.

I didn’t have anything particularly important planned for that day, so I turned to them and said something to the effect of “You know, our city has a lot to offer if you know where to look. Would you two like me to show you where the Gallery is, and a couple places you can get lunch along the way”

They nearly fainted. They were sooooo happy that they found someone who spoke German and couldn’t stop taking pictures with me to show their family ‘the guy that saved their day’. I walked them to the Gallery and gave them a bit of an impromptu walking/bus tour along the way. That was the day I gained two Omas. – Astro493

 

 

Number 3

When I was stationed in Korea, I was getting a haircut and the hairdresser had like an assistant or a new person helping her get me seated and prepared. She says to the main girl “He looks like a baby!” (I have a baby face and was like 22 at the time). I responded in Korean with, “I look like a baby?”

She was really startled and embarrassed and noped out of there for the rest of the haircut. The main hairdresser took advantage of being able to talk with me in Korean, though. –gmkmc

 

 

Number 4

We had a large family reunion dinner at a restaurant and we were all sharing stories. My funny Uncle was telling us how he used to pretend he was deaf and his sister would translate. To prove it, he asked the waitress to get the manager. When he came over, my Uncle started signing to him…with made up and exaggerated gestures. My Aunt told him that the food was good and the server was excellent…all the while the manager just smiled and nodded. When they were done “talking”, the manager said in sign language, he spoke ASL and knew it was bullshit. We blew up laughing and my Uncles face turned beet red. –giffer34

 

 

Number 5

I’m Brazilian and was flying to Rio from Atlanta. There were these two very attractive girls with their mother speaking English very fluently and one of them had their seat right next to mine. We exchanged some courtesy in English as I just assumed they were American and so did they. They were Brazilian-Americans and so did not have an accent and I started speaking English from a young age so as long as I don’t talk too much I can go unnoticed.

So they start putting their carry on luggage in the bin overhead and the mother says to her daughters, in Portuguese:

“Coitado, tá achando que vou deixar uma de vocês sentar do lado dele.”

Which means

“Poor thing, he thinks I’ll let one of you sit next to him.”

So I just turn to her and say, in Portuguese:

“Don’t worry, ma’am, I’m just being polite. I do have a girlfriend and it’ll be a pleasure to share this flight with you.”

She just went: “oh”

And then she sat there in silence for the whole flight. –mhdesimon

 

 

Number 6

My family and I went to Sri Lanka for two weeks to see where my mom grew up and general beach stuff. For some reason we were like the only people in the hotel we were staying at aside from a wedding party that left a day after we got there.

A few days in there was another family staying there, I believe from Suriname and we were all chilling at the pool and decided to play a game of water polo against each other. Things got exciting and one of the daughters yelled out something in Dutch like “go for the big fat guy!”, my Dutch dad replied “what big fat guy?”, And everybody laughed.

Just a simple story but it was pretty sweet. –lemonylol

 

 

Number 7

I once interviewed for a part-time school holiday job, together with a good friend of mine. My friend is Chinese, the majority race of the country I live in. I, however, am quite clearly not.

The first thing the HR manager says when he sees me is “We need someone who speaks Mandarin”, a criterion not stated anywhere in the employment ad, and which subtly translates to “Chinese candidates preferred”.

My friend, while ethnically Chinese, speaks little to no Mandarin. I, on the other hand, speak it rather fluently.

Probably as a test, the HR manager decides to field us questions in Mandarin, clearly intent on cutting me out of the interview.

My friend turns pale, as he stumbles along to answer the question posed in whatever halting Mandarin he can scrape together.

The manager then turns to me, rather arrogantly, waiting for my reply.

It gave me great joy to tell him straight to his face “Thank you for the opportunity, but clearly I am not the right candidate you are looking for to fill this position since I am not Chinese” in crisp fluent Mandarin.

The look of bewilderment of his face was priceless.- muizaz88

 

 

Number 8

Here’s one where everyone felt good at the end.

When I was living in China, I used to run in this giant park. One morning on one of my runs, I see these three young men hanging out by the path. Not too many foreigners in the area, not too many joggers either, so they immediately notice and start talking about me.

One guy says, “Is she Russian?” There was a small but significant Russian population in the city, so, not a bad guess.

Another guy: “Talk to her!”

First guy: “Nah, she wouldn’t understand.”

By this time I’m right next to these guys, and I yelled over my shoulder “Yes, I do!” as I ran past.

They absolutely lost their shit. I could still hear them laughing after I went around the bend. –eitherajax

 

 

Number 8.5 (It was one of the responses to the one above)

I have a similar story about China! Unfortunately it wasn’t a kindhearted interaction like yours. I was there for a flagship language program for the summer and on my first day in Beijing I was buying a fake Rolex from a street vendor. The watch was 50 yuan, ok great. I give the man a crisp 100 yuan bill. He lets me pick out the watch and as I’m getting the watch he swaps my 100 yuan bill with a counterfeit bill that has a tear on it. He told me in English that he can’t take the bill because it has a tear on it and that I need to give him a different 100 yuan bill. I look at him and say “你就是傻逼。” which basically means “you’re literally a dumbass.” The look on his face was so satisfying! –JayCut

 

 

Number 9

My cousin is a big white guy who studied for 2 years in Japan during college. He worked for one of the head of Honda America for a few years. When the head guy learned that he spoke Japanese, he would make sure my cousin was in all the meetings and phone conferences with the Japanese branch. My cousin would listen to everything the Japanese would be saying to each other and report it to his boss during breaks. As such the boss looked like a psychic to the Japanese because after break he would address their concerns without being prompted. The boss made mad bonuses every quarter and always funneled a bunch of that to my cousin. –Atrus2k

 

 

Number 10

Back in 2010, I was at the Hmong New Year in St. Paul/Minneapolis with my family where this happened. This event is pretty big and there used to be literally thousands of Hmong people there, it’s an event where we basically celebrate our heritage. I am Hmong (Southeast Asian), but I look like I’m Hispanic just to give you some background. Anyways, I had to go to the bathroom because y’know, I’m only human and all. When I went to go wash my hands, these two older guys (probably about 35-40) come in and as soon as they see me, they say something (in Hmong) along the lines of, “These damn Mexicans thinking they can come to our New Year. Maybe we should call the cops to take him back home to Mexico, hahahahahaha.” Well, in comes my cousin by sheer luck so I ask him in Hmong, “Hey, where did you guys go? Last time I saw you guys was at the ball tossing area (it’s this weird courting activity that involves throwing a tennis ball/softball while flirting).” We end our very short conversation and then as I was exiting the bathroom, I made absolutely sure that I gave the most judgemental look ever to those two men. It worked like a charm and you could tell by their facial expressions that they knew they messed up. – alor95

 

 

Number 11

Took the employee shuttle with a bunch of my South American exchange student coworkers. For about a month I slept in the back while they conversed in Spanish. One day, they told a joke and I laughed out loud, then they all stopped and looked at me, realizing that I could understand Spanish the whole time. This really broke the ice between us, and some of them became lifelong friends and it led to a romantic relationship as well. –TurboAbe

 

 

Number 12

I used to work at gun store. Two guys come in, speaking Spanish to one another, with one guy translating for the other. I’m a 6’5″ goofy looking Irish dude, so they had no way of knowing I lived in Mexico for two years as a teen.

So the whole time I hear the guy describing the gun he wants, how much her likes it, etc to the translator. Translator tells me everything like he is the one who wants to buy the gun. He says he brought the other guy because he “knows guns” Finally I hear the Spanish only guy say that this is the one he wants, translator then tells me he has decided which gun he wants.

I let them know, in Spanish, that I wouldn’t be selling them any guns. What they were trying is called a Straw purchase and is very illegal. –gunsmyth

 

 

Number 13

Me and my sister are Hungarian but grew up in England and speak fluent Hungarian and English with natural accents. We’d also spend most of our summers growing up in Hungary where since we speak English perfectly people assumed in public we were from England and would occasionally say something mean or negative not expecting us to understand. There’s few things more satisfying than replying in perfect Hungarian ‘What did you say?’ and watching people’s eyes widen in panic and profusely apologize. –The_Shandy_Man

 

 

Number 14

So I was working at a dental clinic in Germany, and these 2 guys walk in and start speaking in arabic, not knowing that both I and my supervisor can understand it. The first guy (actual patient) is nervously telling his friend and this would never work, and his friend is telling him to shut up and play along, so the supervisor and I try to figure out what kinda game they’re trying to play. Apparently, they were trying to lie about the patient’s age to get his dental treatment done for free; (I dont know how that worked, I was just an intern) unlucky for him, his teeth told the truth (you cant fake being 16 when your wisdom teeth are ALL THE WAY out)

So me and my supervisor shut up about it, and I’m in actual pain trying to hold back from laughing as the friend is convincing the patient that we’re idiots who dont speak arabic and cant understand their trick. Of course until i cant anymore and decide to discuss the case with my supervisor. Right there in front of them. In arabic.

I have never seen someone turn so many different colours so fast. –Agentbunbun

 

 

Number 15

I lived in South Korea for three years, but I never learned too much of the language. A friend of mine is 100% Korean but is very tall and was educated in America and New Zealand so she has an American accent. Her co-teachers at her school all assumed she couldn’t speak Korean so they would talk shit about her constantly while she would listen on and feel terrible. She said nothing for a whole year until she had to speak at the end of year ceremony. The school offered her someone to translate but she refused and in front of 800 or so students and faculty members she delivered her address in perfect Korean. She subtly called out the coworkers that had spent an entire year calling her a foreign pig. Apparently one started crying from the shame of it. I wish I had got to see that. –mattypatty88

 

 

Number 16

I am 100% white and look very European and was travelling South Korea with my also very European looking Spanish friend but we both speak conversational level Korean. As we were walking around a park in Daegu (fairly large city south of Seoul), a bunch of seniors in the park were talking about how pretty we were. We turned around and thanked them in Korean, and they were very taken aback and then asked us where we were from. After telling them they said: “If everyone is as pretty you two, I want to go there.” Made our day as they were so sweet.

Funny story: I went to an Asian dollar store in Jeju, South Korea. All my friends checked out first, but they were all East Asian looking. The cashiers dealt with them as normal. When I get to the till, the guy noticeably pales and then turns to his coworker in panic. “Dude, I don’t speak English, What do I do?” Coworker: “Just deal with it.” Guy: “I don’t speak English, but I can speak Chinese” Coworker: “you speak Chinese?! I didn’t know that” Guy: “hey (3rd person opposite the tills) do you speak English, help me!!” Guy 3: “dude just deal with it!” Me: “…..it’s okay… I speak Korean” The look on his face was hilarious.

I also have a lot of stories of Koreans shit talking me, but weirdly enough most of them are from here in Canada. –Leadjaa

 

Number 17

Flemish guy here. Working as safari guide in Kruger area, South Africa.

One time, my boss asks me to go pick a family of 4 up at the Klaserie reserve gate, do an afternoon game drive with them, and drop them off again afterwards. This was very uncommon; normally we only do game drives with people that book a room in our own lodge on the reserve.

So I pick them up, introduce myself and go over the rules, all in English. They reply in English, or at least: the dad does, and normally I can pick up straight away if it’s someone from France, Belgium, Holland or Germany. But his English was Oxford English. So I thought; English people. Off we went!

10 minutes into the game drive I hear them speak in Flemish, and not only that, IN MY OWN DIALECT. Side note; every Flemish town has a dialect, we can hear what region/province other Flemish people are from, and if from the same region, we can often even pinpoint the exact little town or community they are from.

Oooh I was going to have fun with these folks! Found a few nice animal sightings, spoke English all the time, but then one sentence to the next, switched to their exact dialect. I thought; now they’re going to be surprised! But nope… we all kept chatting in Flemish now. Only 20 minutes later, the daughter, maybe 10 years old, goes “wait a minute; he speaks Flemish!”

After all had a good laugh, I asked them where they were from. They literally lived one street away from me. It’s a small world, folks! –TheAfricaBug

 

 

I think that’s a good place to stop. If you want to read more of them, check out the whole thread here

Comments